i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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