we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
