When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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