he looks like a really good dad on facebook
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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