And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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