He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
