he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize