You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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