I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
