they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
