when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
