She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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