so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
