i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
