Cold hands, warm shart.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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