and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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