So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
