He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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