i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
