I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
