i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
