Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
