cat food counts as protein by the way
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
