this beer tastes like vomit already
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
