It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
