The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
