woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
