I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
