I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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