The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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