I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
