why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
