I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
