dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
