Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
