My brain says no but my pants say off.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
