I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
