The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
