I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
