yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
