Your face is a jimmy john
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
