I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I touched a dick in church today
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