Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
