just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
