Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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