I think I won the penis lottery.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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