4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My pussy is not your playground.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
