Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You made out with two different species that night
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize