do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
