I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
