That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
