Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
