dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
