PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
