I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I didn't notice because vodka
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
