Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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