how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
birth control should be required to get into college
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
