Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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