Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
