To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
