And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
