Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
it was like eating out sand paper
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
