is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
