dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
