I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
