In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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