Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
