I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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