I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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