i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
