Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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