omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
