o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
