its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
