You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
