worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
