i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
