dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
