I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My dick has a subreddit
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
