I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
