I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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