U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
