obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
