Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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